I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
