Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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