You smell like stripper and shame
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
