every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
