Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
