Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
