Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
