just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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