I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
