I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
