I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You're so nebulous sometimes
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
