no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
