I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I will pee on everything he values.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
