We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
