My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
