I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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