She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
