You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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