How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
