why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
