So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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