youre lurking in front of me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
