I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
