You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
