Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
