AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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