i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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