fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
