I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
