I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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