I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
