Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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