and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
