I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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