Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
