We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
