this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This house was built for laser tag.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
