I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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