She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
