my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
