while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
