Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
