It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
