i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
