i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
