There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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