whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
