There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We are two peas in an std pod
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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