The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
