I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
